I don't spend enough time with myself. I let people pull me into their worlds, their interests. I need to be a little more assertive when it comes finding alone time. I also need to be more appreciative when it comes along. I have been trying (unsuccessfully) for the past few weeks to really reserve Sundays for myself and spend half the day reflecting in solitude. However during the work week when I hope to stay busy, I often find myself antsy when faced with the prospect of being alone. I need to be more appreciative of this time and embrace it when things turn out that way. I was reading some old emails during my breakup and was surprised at both the clarity and depth of my emotion. I rarely find times to organize my thoughts so carefully.
As I sit here now, on a lazy Sunday afternoon, the grey skies overhead, feet slightly cold in my cozy home, I feel calm. I feel at peace. Just relaxed. Time stands still for a bit. I feel my own heart, beat. It makes my breathe undulate. I hear the air as I breath out. I hear birds chirp and squawk. The house creaks even after a hundred years. My feet rustle against the comforter. My mind stops for a bit. The whole world is right here. Possibilities, the future, yesterday, my bank account.... none of that matters. I just sink into my mattress and keep breathing slowly and deeply. My muscles relax and let go. I can sit still. Peace.