I think I will always be silly, childish and have a juvenile sense of
humor. I like to laugh, I like sarcasm, I can be crude and I like
pranks. I am sure my tastes and preferences will change, and my style
of humor will morph, but my general sense of irreverence is unlikely
to fade. I truly believe there are few things that can't be improved
with some measure of playfulness. When this basic tendency is not
valued as a part of my personality I feel somewhat lacking. When I am
not able to express it, I feel hollow. In future relationships I think
it is something I should examine very early on as it is a rather
important trait.


I discovered today that my old girlfriend is getting married. I felt
like it was an inevitability from the moment I discovered the
relationship, so it is certainly not a surprise. Once I found out
about it, my initial reaction was to just call a friend or two have a
few beers and just put that chapter of life behind me. She was
obviously the first person I ever truly loved (at least since Vidthya
five years earlier) and I just took too long to fully express that.
So, there was an obvious sense of loss, not some deep longing, just a
sadness. Almost as if for a deeply loved pet that passed away years
earlier. Just a soft remembrance.

So, I stopped what I was doing and took an hour to go lay in the grass
and just focus on it intently and meditate on it. I will write up more
of my thoughts later. Stepping away from it for several months was
helpful though. I can tell I look at it more realistically. It offered
a good moment of reflection about human relationships, what really
matters, where I can grow and what I might want to work on in the
future. The sentences above were one roundabout realization it