I was writing about how sickness calmed my internal chatter the other week. It was interesting how there was a huge switch between pure perception to the more typical analysis of what we take in. I just came across this talk in one of my classes of someone else who had a similar experience (she is a neuroscientist who experienced a stoke and talks about the differences in perception and her essentially religious experience during that period).

Jill Bolte Taylor's stroke of insight

Her overall point is that this analysis tends to be isolating and when we simply experience things, we realize the interconnectedness of each of us. She also wanted to share the peace that can arise from this state of mind. I think there is a lot of truth in that and is what I am seeking to find through meditation. I am not so sure we need to completely end all processing, but I do think the chatter does tend to create more confusion than peace. The struggle is to winnow the thoughts down and to find a calm, clear voice amongst all the noise and distraction.

Separately, it's also interesting how she mentions she wasn't going to "be the choreographer of her own life" anymore. I have a little personal research project that I will be looking at over the coming weeks/months to understand how unexpected trauma that drastically changes the expectation of the future (breakups, deaths, financial ruin) leads to personal change. Essentially instances where you imagine the future to be one way, you realize it won't be and then you must come to terms with the new reality (and admit to others that you were wrong or that you have had to let go of a dream that was deeply attached to your identity). I think the fear of isloation/ridicule/ruin and uncertainty in these events is only surpassed by the relative indifference (or understanding) of others. I also think they tend to be the most liberating points in life and the periods of the most personal growth as we are forced to admit things we might not otherwise admit if we weren't in a state of openness.