so what are you doing now?

So I sit here, at my parents house
Twenty Five Years old
A quarter of my life is gone
even if I am optimistic
I'm a little old for this
even if it is temporary
staring at Facebook, friends blazing ahead
pHd's in fields I didn't even know existed
"Medical Physics" what is that anyway?
Professional cylists
Chasing love in Alaska
Starting a new life in France
an MBA in Korea
I don't want what they have
but I wonder what I should be doing
I know I can do so much more
that I am selling myself short
but I don't know what I want
-to throw myself at--
So many things
none of them worth the effort
just plodding along some median
some safety net
which is called finance
torn between what I enjoy
and what I can do
-Just thinkin'
.... not sure what's next
-----
the game got to easy
there is no challenge anymore
tired of pretty faces
I want something more elusive
than a piece of ass
I want sparkling clarity
a smile -
brought by the way a mind works
-
so many friends
but no one to call
once I ask for what I value
I just need to surround myself
with what I want to be
-----
I like hanging out with gay men
they teach me what it's like to be a woman
It gets old fast