Every time the topic comes up with friends, the inevitable response is "you're not over her yet are you?" For the two months we didn't speak, I thought I was. But now that were are sort of talking what I have realized is that the pain has stopped, but my feelings never did. I was just able to brush them aside for a while since I wasn't having to face them. You can't just stop caring for someone, or at least I can't.

As much as I would like not to, it seems I still do hold out hope, that the person I used to know, will resurface. We all have different faces when we talk with others, the professional face, our silly face, our get the hell out of my face face, and the face we never show except to close friends. Well, there is(was) a side of her I haven't seen in a long time - the person that used to come out right before bedtime, who'd confide her problems, her fears and her hopes. That's the person I fell in love with. Problem is I haven't spoken with her on that level in months. She will stick up her head from time to time and resurface, just to let me know she's still alive, but it's like a turtle's head just above the water's surface.

In a lot of ways I feel like I am hunting Big Foot. I have these sightings, tracks in the mud, and other pieces of evidence, but I feel like I am waiting on something I know might very well just be an outcropping of someone's (my own) imagination.

At least I don't blame myself anymore. I'll just be patient, live my life, and see what happens.